Imagine sitting across from a couple who’ve been married for decades. They laugh easily, listen intently, and seem to genuinely enjoy each other’s company. When disagreements arise, they navigate them with curiosity rather than combativeness. What you’re witnessing isn’t just good luck or perfect compatibility—it’s the quiet ego in action.

Marriage is a journey of two imperfect people learning how to love each other despite their flaws. No matter how strong a relationship is, there will be missteps—some small, like a forgotten errand or a sharp word spoken in frustration, and some much bigger, like betrayal, broken trust, or deep misunderstandings. What keeps a marriage strong isn’t the absence of mistakes; it’s the presence of forgiveness.

A crucial concept in terms of understanding oneself is the “reactive state of mind”. A reactive state of mind is a pattern of brain activity that has become engrained through repetition, much like grooves being worn into a surface through repeated motion. States of mind are “reactive” when they are triggered by, and organized around, intense negative emotions.

The mind has been called a “story telling machine” because it uses language to help us figure out how to interact with the world. Sometimes this works out well, for example when our mind tells us to “turn the cap right to tighten it.” However, when it comes to our relationships our minds can get into trouble.

A new brain study by a group of researchers in Japan has found additional support for active listening as a useful strategy when communicating with your partner.

Living intimately with another human being over a long period can be a challenge at times. The personal habits of the other person, when they deviate from your expectations or desires, can be frustrating or annoying.